Waking Up and Seeing the Light
by superrogue17
Summary: A little prodding from Bud and Harriet has Harm and Mac...
1. Waking Up

Disclaimer: JAG, the JAG logo and all recognizible characters belong to...not me. I wish they did, 'cause then I think they'd be alot more happy. Oh, well.  
  
WAKING UP and SEEING THE LIGHT  
  
JAG Headquarters 1100 ZULU  
  
Commander Harmon "Harm" Rabb, Jr. was sitting behind his desk, staring off into space. He didn't even notice his friend come into the office.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, sorry Bud. Something you need?"  
  
Closing the door, Bud Roberts walks in looking unsure. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"  
  
"Granted."   
  
"You look like hell...sir. I know it's probably none of my business, but, you really need to get it together."  
  
Harm frowns. "Excuse me?"  
  
"There is no excuse for you right now, sir. It is painfully obvious to those of us who know you that both you and the Colonel...well you want more than the current relationship you have. Yet, you both insist on pretending that you're "just friends". Why?"  
  
"Bud I have no idea..."  
  
"Sir, I am not naive or dumb. Neither are the rest of your friends. We are also not blind. Please don't treat us like we are. Ok, lets try this another way. Commander Rabb, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"  
  
"Bud, what are you..."   
  
"Yes or no, Commander?"  
  
"Ok, yes."  
  
"Good. Do you, Commander Rabb, have an attraction to Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie?"  
  
"...yes."   
  
"Then, Commander, why do you refuse to make any sort of move towards the Colnel?"  
  
tbc 


	2. Waking Up2

Disclaimer: Same as before: not mine, wish they were, 'cause I still think they'd be alot happier.  
  
#...# Indicates thoughts.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
JAG Headquarters - several hours later  
  
"Bud?"  
  
Lt. Bud Roberts swallowed hard. "Yes, Commander?" #Oh, man. I am so toast. He's mad.#  
  
Harm closes the door to the office Bud has just been moved into. "Bud...you were right this morning. I have been pretending, you were also right about it being none of your business."  
  
"Sir. Permission to speak freely again?"  
  
(sighs)"Granted."  
  
"I think of you as an older brother, sir, and the Colonel as a sister. You two've been there at some of the worst times of my life and you're my son's godparents. I would just like you both to be completely happy for once and I think you would be...together."  
  
"I know we would be, Bud."  
  
"Then, why hold back, sir?"  
  
"There are just too many things between here and there, Bud."  
  
"What? You mean JAG, sir? Sir, will JAG be there in twenty or thiry more years? Will it go home with you, hold you when you're sick, and love you unconditionally? Will it have children with you and watch them grow? What is love worth to you, sir?"  
  
tbc 


	3. Seeing the Light

Disclaimer: I think we've already established that JAG is not mine. Now that we've got that out of the way, on to the fiction.  
  
JAG HEADQUARTERS - Mac's Office  
  
1400 ZULU  
  
"Colonel?"  
  
"Yes, Lt. Simms?"  
  
"Hmm, permission to speak freely?"  
  
"Sure, Harriet. Is something wrong?"  
  
"Yes and no, ma'am."  
  
"Which is it, Harrie? Yes or no?"  
  
"Yes. I'm a bit curious. I keep wondering why you and the Commander keep this dance going?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The 'I'm in love with you but I don't think we should be together' dance."  
  
"Harriet, I have no idea..."  
  
"Yes, ma'am you do. It is painfully obvious to the world at large that you and the Commander are at the least attracted to each other. More likely in love with on another. Why do you keep this game going?"  
  
Sarah "Mac" Mackenzie looked up at her friend and coworker and made a decision.  
  
"Harriet, I'm going to explain this one time. At that point you are asked... no, ordered to forget it. Is that clear?"  
  
"Crystal, ma'am."  
  
"Ok. Yes, I love Harm. Yes I believe... no, I know he loves me. No, we are not together and no we aren't getting together."  
  
"But, ma'am, why?"  
  
"It's complicated but, here's the short answer: JAG. Neither of us is going to put our careers in that kind of jeapordy. The Navy is Harm's dream, his lifeline to his dad. The Marine Corps gave me back my dreams and saved my life. End of story."  
  
"Is your career really worth it?"  
  
"Worth what? We don't have anything."  
  
"Is it worth love? A love you're almost guaranteed never to find again? You couldn't pay me enough to give up love."  
  
With that, Harriet walks out of Mac's office, leaving Mac alone with her thoughts.  
  
tbc 


	4. Helping Out

Disclaimer: Once again, not mine. On to the fun.  
  
JAG HEADQUARTERS - The Bullpen  
  
1600 ZULU  
  
"Lt. Simms!"  
  
"Uh, oh, Harriet. I think the Colonel's mad at you."  
  
^sarcastically^"What was your first clue? The tone of voice or the look on her face? Bud, your talent for stating the obvious amazes me.", Harm quips. "The question is: 'Why would Mac be mad at Harriet?' What did you forget to do, Harriet?"  
  
"Uh...nothing, sir. I just have to...get this brief to her."  
  
At this point, Harriet rushes to Mac's office.  
  
"Yes, ma'am? Is there a problem?"  
  
"Close the door, Harriet."  
  
"Yes, ma'am"  
  
"Have you done what I ordered?"  
  
^frowns^"What did you order me to do, ma'am?"  
  
Mac just looks at Harriet expectantly.  
  
"Oh. That, ma'am. I've been trying, but what you said to me just keeps turning over and over in my head. I have one more question for you. You can answer it if you want. If there were a way for you and the Commander to be together without the risk to your careers, would you do it?"  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
"Ok. Lets's figure this out here. You love him, he loves you, but because of your careers you both have decided not to persue what you both want, is that about it?"  
  
"About."  
  
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JAG HEADQUARTERS - Admiral Chegwidden's Office  
  
1700 ZULU  
  
^knock, knock, knock^  
  
"Enter!"  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Yes, Lt. Simms?"  
  
"For the next five minutes could we pretend we're not military officers?"  
  
"Okay, Harriet. For the next five minutes, I'm A.J. and you're Harriet. Just please explain to me why we're prtending to not be military officers?"  
  
"Ok, s--I mean A.J. I was wondering, since you know the UCMJ inside and out, do you perhaps know of a way around the problem we all know that the Commander and Colonel are having?"  
  
"Ah, that. I have been working on that for almost as long as I've known them and as hard as I think about it, I can't come up with a solution that doesn't involve one of them retiring or changing designate."  
  
"What if they could keep it very quiet and you were to say...not notice?"  
  
"Hmmm... how quiet?" A.J. smiles at Harriet's stunned look.  
  
"Very, s-- A.J." Harriet looks hopeful.  
  
"Ok. I'll look the other way if 'something' were to happen, but, if I see it, I have to handle it."  
  
"Yes, sir. I understand."  
  
"We're back to 'sir' now?"  
  
"I believe our five minutes are up, sir."  
  
"Alright, then. Back to work, Lt. Simms!"  
  
tbc 


	5. Acceptance

Disclaimer: You know the drill, JAG=not mine. Let's do this. Sorry for the delays, writer's block+school=lack of chapters. Oh, yeah, it will earn its 'R' rating in the next chapter or two. 

Acceptance

**Robert's Residence - 2300 ZULU**

"What do you think, Bud? Do you think we've gotten through to them?" 

Harriet Simms Roberts was concerned for her friends. She didn't know if they would be able to find it in themselves to take the nudge they had been given. 

"I hope so, honey. They need each other. We owe them so much after all they've done for us. I hope we can do this for them." 

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**Harm's apartment - Same time**

# Ok, Rabb, accept it. Bud was right. You're pathetic. You know you love her and what do you do? Nothing, absolutely nothing. And, now, you're going crazy, talking to yourself. #

(telephone rings)

"Hello?" 

"Commander, this is Capt. Hilliard at Bethesda, there's been an accident. You need to come here immediately." 

"Accident? What do you mean?" 

"There was a car accident; we have a Colonel Sarah Mackenzie here. Your name was listed as emergency contact." 

"Is she?" 

"I'm afraid I can't give out any information over the phone. You'll have to come to the hospital, please." 

"Yes, I understand. I'm on my way."

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**Harm's SUV - Ten minutes later**

As Harm is flying down the highway like the fighter pilot he is, a song comes on the radio.

_When the road gets dark_

_And you can no longer see_

_Just let my love throw a spark_

_And have a little faith in me_

_When the tears you cry, are all you can believe_

_Just give these loving arms a try, baby_

_And have a little faith in me_

**Chorus**

_And have a little faith in me_

_Have a little faith in me_

_And have a little faith in me_

_Have a little faith in me_

_When your secret heart cannot speak so easily_

_Come here darlin, from a whispers' start_

_To have a little faith in me_

_And when your back's against the wall_

_Just turn around and you, you will see_

_I will catch you, I will catch your fall, baby_

_Just have a little faith in me_

**Chorus**

_And have a little faith in me_

_Have a little faith in me_

_And have a little faith in me_

_Have a little faith in me_

_Well I been loving you for such a long time, girl_

_Expecting nothing in return_

_Just for you to have a little faith in me_

_You see time; time is our friend cause for us there is no end_

_And all you gotta do is have a little faith in me_

_I said I will hold you up, I will hold you up_

_Your love gives me strength enough_

_So have a little faith in me_

_I said all you gotta do for me_

_Girl is have a little faith in me_

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tbc


	6. Hoping

Disclaimer: You know the drill, JAG is still not mine.  
  
Bethesda - 2330 ZULU  
  
Harm's SUV screeches into the hospital parking lot and he climbs out, going into a dead run as soon as both feet are on the ground. He rushes into the hospital and to the nurses' station.  
  
"Commander Rabb, looking for information on Colonel Sarah Mackenzie."  
  
"Yes, sir. Just let me check...she's in surgery, sir."  
  
"Well, where's the ER doctor who attended her?"  
  
"Capt. Hilliard? He's on his rounds; I'll page him for you."  
  
About five minutes after the page went through, a short, stocky man in blood-spattered surgical scrubs comes rushing down the corridor.  
  
"Commander Rabb?"  
  
"Yes. Are you Capt. Hilliard?"  
  
"Yes, Commander."  
  
Harm snaps to attention.  
  
"As you were, son."  
  
"How is she, sir?"  
  
"She has a concussion, three broken ribs, separated shoulder, dislocated elbow, various scrapes and bruises. Unfortunately, one of the broken ribs punctured her right lung."  
  
"Will she be alright?"  
  
"Normally, I'd say yes, but it was a multiple car pileup on the George Washington Bridge and it took a while for the EMTs to get to her, the Fire Department had to cut her out of the car."  
  
"She has a convertible, sir. Why'd they have to cut her out?"  
  
"Not anymore, now she has a hunk of steel that folded up on her like a sardine can."  
  
"How bad is she?"  
  
"She bled internally for approximately forty-five minutes before they got her out and another ten before she got here. The EMTs said they lost her once en route and I lost her once here in the ER. That's all I know as of right now."  
  
Harm just looks at the floor as he tries to process the knowledge he's just been given.  
  
#If she dies without knowing...NO Rabb, she's made it through guns, knives, hijackings, and every other thing thrown at her, she'll make it through this, too. She has to.#  
  
"She should be out of surgery in an hour, maybe two. Is there some family that should be notified?"  
  
Harm is staring at the linoleum floor trying to take in the possibility of life without Mac, so, it takes a minute for the question to register in Harm's mind.   
  
"Yes, I'll go do that right now."  
  
Harm goes outside to use his cell phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Admiral, it's Commander Rabb. Col. Mackenzie's been in a car accident. I was calling to notify you and tell you she's at Bethesda."  
  
"WHAT, AGAIN?! You two just can't keep yourselves away from that damn place, can you?"  
  
With a watery laugh, Harm responds, "I guess not, sir. Everytime I look up, one or both of us is here."  
  
"Commander? Are you crying?"  
  
Harm's voice trembles. "N-no, sir."  
  
"Rabb, suck it up and stay strong, she's not going anywhere yet. I'll notify Lts. Roberts and Simms. You straighten yourself out before I get there. Is that clear?"  
  
"Aye aye, sir."  
  
Harm cuts the connection and goes back into the hospital.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
tbc 


	7. Dreaming

Disclaimer: Nope, STILL not mine.  
  
(thoughts) ^actions^  
  
2400 ZULU  
  
Harm is sitting in the surgical waiting area as Admiral Chegwidden rushes in, Lts. Harriet and Bud Roberts in tow, their son AJ in Bud's arms.  
  
"Commander?"  
  
Harm is so into his thoughts and fears he doesn't even respond to his name.  
  
"COMMANDER!"  
  
"Sir! I apologize, I was..."  
  
"Save the apologies, Harm. How is she?"  
  
"Concussion, broken ribs, separated shoulder, dislocated elbow, scrapes, bruises, and a punctured lung."  
  
"God."  
  
"Apparently, she's arrested twice already."  
  
"Commander? How long has she been in surgery?"  
  
"An hour, maybe more and it's Harm, Harriet."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
At the same time, in the OR...  
  
"Nurse Davies?"  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"BP, pulse, oxygen level?"  
  
"BP 80 over 40, pulse thready, oxygen is 87% on 93% O2."  
  
"Ok, at least it's not dropping anymore. Dr. Thom, we've got to get these bone chips out of her lung now. If we don't..."  
  
"I know, man. I know."  
  
"Dr.! Her pressure's dropping!"  
  
BEEEEEEEEEEEP!  
  
"Dammit, she's arresting. Internal paddles, NOW! Give me 30 joules. Clear, shocking!"  
  
Beep, beep, beep.  
  
^sighs^ "Get those damned bone chips out, NOW!"  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Green grass, blue skies, and...Ghosts? Three men, two only seen in pictures and one last seen on his deathbed, walk towards Mac.  
  
"Sarah?"  
  
"Dad?"  
  
"Yeah, it's me, princess."  
  
"Am I dead?"  
  
"Not yet, baby. You will be soon if you don't step up and be the big, bad Marine you claim to be."  
  
"Excuse me, Sarah? I know we've never met, but I'm..."  
  
"Harm's dad."  
  
"Yes. I've waited a long time to meet you. I need to thank you for taking care of my son. I also need to ask you to please not leave him just yet."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"If you die now, he'll never be the same. He'll be a shell of the man he is. Without you, he'll never be as good of a man as he could be with you. Let my dad show you what I mean."  
  
"Hello, Sarah, I'm Peter. Hmmm, another Sarah." ^shrugs^ "Come with me."  
  
"Where are we going?"  
  
"Just trust me."  
  
The next thing Mac sees is Harm sitting in the waiting room, crying on Harriet's shoulder. Harriet, Bud, and the Admiral have tears on their faces as well.  
  
"Peter, why are they crying?"  
  
"The doctor just informed them that you're gone."  
  
"I thought I wasn't dead?"  
  
"This is a couple hours in the future if you don't fight."  
  
Mac steps forward and speaks to Harm.  
  
"Don't be a baby, flyboy. I'll always be there for you."  
  
"He can't hear you, Sarah. We can only watch, not interact."  
  
"Oh, alright. This is just a reaction to my death, he'll learn to live with it, right?"  
  
"Come with me."  
  
Mac finds herself in the JAG Headquarters Bullpen.  
  
"Sarah, this is seven years from today."  
  
"Where's Harm?"  
  
"Look over there."  
  
Peter points to the door Mac recognizes as the Admiral's.  
  
"In the Admiral's office, again? What did the flyboy do this time?"  
  
"That's not the Admiral's office anymore. He retired two years ago, Harm's the JAG now."  
  
"WHAT!? Harm? Mr. Never-on-time, automatic weapons in the courtroom, is the JAG? I thought Harm Sr. said he'd be a shell of the man he is. The JAG can't be a shell."  
  
"Not professionally, but personally, that's a different story. He never marries, just flits from shallow relationship to shallow relationship."  
  
"Kind of like now?"  
  
"Not quite. Now, he's waiting for the woman he wants. In the future he's trying to forget that he can never have her."  
  
^frowning^ "Why, Peter?"  
  
"Because she's dead. He's trying to forget her."  
  
"He wants someone who's dead...you mean me?"  
  
"Needs is more accurate. You see, he needs you to push him, make him a better man. He's always been great, without your push, your guidance, he can never be the best."  
  
"How do I get back, Peter?"  
  
"You have to want to live."  
  
"That's all?"  
  
"That's all."  
  
"Goodbye, Peter. I'll see you in about fifty years."  
  
(I want to live. I want to go home.)  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
tbc 


	8. Faith

Disclaimer: I think by now, we all are aware that JAG is SO not mine.  
_(thoughts) ^actions^_

**FAITH**

"Commander?"

"Harriet, how many times do I have to say it? My name outside of JAG activities is 'Harm'."

"Yes, sir."

_^sighs^_ "What did you need, Harriet?"

"I just thought maybe you might like someone to talk to."

_^frowning^_ "What am I going to do if she...doesn't make it?"

"The best you can, sir. Can I ask a question?"

"Sure, ask."

"Why, sir?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you do this, sir? You claim you're 'just friends' but, it's so obvious to the rest of us that you two have never been 'just friends'."

"You're right and wrong, Harriet. We've always been a little more than friends, less than lovers. A little like being in limbo."

"Are you ever going to leave 'limbo'?"

"We've tried. It's just never the right time or place. First she's ready and I'm not, then I'm ready and she's not. We're never at the same place at the same time. Maybe fate's trying to tell us something, maybe we're supposed to stay the way we are." 

"Do you really believe that, sir? If you do, you're really pathetic...no offense, sir."

_^frowns...hard^ (Is she right? Have I become that much of a coward that I'd use fate as an excuse?)_

"Sir? I know that I probably shouldn't put my two cents in, but, if you had to face living the rest of your life without her and without her ever knowing how you feel...what would you do?"

_(What would I do? That's easy.)_"I'd live every day for her. I'd live everyday like it was my last."

(Ok, now we might be getting somewhere.)"Ok, sir. Why don't you try living today as if it were your last? When she wakes up and you're given another chance to tell her what will you do?"

_(Would I? Hell, could I?)_"I don't know, Harriet. I really don't know."

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2700 ZULU

"Commander Rabb?"

"Yes, Capt. Hilliard?"

"She's out of surgery now. We're moving her to the ICU now."

"Thank you. Oh, this is Admiral Cheggwidden, and these are Lts. Bud and Harriet Roberts."

"Pleasure to meet you. I just wish it were under better circumstances."

"Captain? When can we see Colonel Mackenzie?"

"Once we move her to the ICU you can visit her. No more than one person at a time and not for more than two or three minutes at a time. She's very weak and she probably won't wake up for at least four or five hours...if at all."

It takes a minute for the last part of the doctor's statement to hit Harm, but when it does...

"WHAT!? What do you mean by 'if at all'?"

"Calm down, Commander. 'If at all' means just that. She has sustained some very serious injuries, there is a chance, a very high one that she will not regain consciousness."

"You're telling us that she's likely to die tonight?"

"Unfortunately, Admiral, that is exactly what I'm telling you. She has arrested three times tonight. The fact that she is alive right now is a testament to an iron will."

"Captain, she will not die, not tonight."

"Commander, I know you don't want to accept the fact that she may not make it, but, believe me, she's not likely to survive the night."

The look that Harm gives the doctor is filled not with blind hope, but with absolute knowledge. He knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt that she will live.

"She will live, Captain, I know."

"How? How do you know, Commander? Because you don't want it?"

_(How do I know? Am I just not accepting reality?)_ "I just know, sir. I can feel her. She's going to be okay."

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2900 ZULU

"Rabb, what did you mean when you said 'you could feel her'?"

"I'm not quite sure, sir. It was like this connection to her, like she was trying to tell me something. It was sudden, just an instant, but in that instant, I knew. Why are you asking, Captain?"

"She's awake, and asking for you."  
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tbc


	9. Sharing

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say it?  
_(thoughts) ^actions^ _

**Sharing**

Harm rushes down the ICU hallway to the room Capt. Hilliard told him was Mac's.

"Mac?" _(She looks so small and helpless lying there. I just want to hold her and take care of her. Whoa, Rabb, she'll kick your six back to the Middle East if you even try.)_

Mac turned her eyes to the door, looking at him.

"Harm."

"Hey. You scared...us. The doctor told us you probably wouldn't make it.

At his statement Mac begins to write.

"Us? who's us?"

"Me, the Admiral, Harriet, Bud."

"You were scared?"

_(Oh, man. How do I answer that without seeming like an idiot?)_ "Um..." _(Aw, hell. Might as well take a chance.)_ "Yeah, I was worried. I care about you."

_(Wonderful, he 'cares about me'.)_

"Mac? You couldn't have known I was here. Why were you asking the doctor for me?"

"I knew you were here. Everytime I've ever been in trouble, you've been there for me. Besides, you're my emergency contact, I knew the doctors would call you and you'd be here." _(And I could feel you.)_

_(Ok, Harm. Time to take a chance.)_ "Mac, when the doctor gave his prognosis, he said you were probably not going to make it through the night. I didn't believe him. It was like nothing I've ever felt in my life. One minute I was terrified you were going to leave us then, it was like you were there, with me. I could feel you."

"I felt that way once, when you were in the ocean. I could almost see you in the water."

"Is that how you found me? You saw me?"

"Yes. Harm?"

"What?"

"I saw your dad, and your grandfather. We...talked."

"How could you see my dad. Oh, you were hallucinating."

"No, Harm. You said the Admiral, Harreit and Bud are here, right?"

"They're in the waiting room. Do you want me to get them?" He turns toward the door to call the others.

"No, don't. Harm, is the Admiral wearing his uniform?"

"No, why?"

"Ok, I'm going to prove to you that I saw your dad."^ closes her eyes^ "The Admiral is wearing faded blue khakis, and one of the white dress shirts Meredith gave him last Christmas. Bud is wearing a gray t-shirt with what looks like the remnants of an AJ spaghetti dinner splattered across the front. Harriet..."

"Mac, how do you know all that?"

"Your gradfather showed me a few hours in the future. You were crying on Harriet's shoulder, I saw everything."

"Why was I crying, Mac?"

"Peter said I had died."

"How'd you know my grandad's name? I don't remember ever telling you his name."

"He told me his name. I see where you and your dad get your looks from, the Rabb male genetics are an interesting thing."

_(Oh, my god. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she's serious. It's not possible, though. They're dead.)_

_(Ok. Let's get through this without looking like too much of an imbecile.)_ "I have a question. Can you always feel me?"

"Not always, usually when you're in some sort of trouble or danger. Why?"

"I was thinking, I can always feel you. It's like a string that's tied from me to you, always there, linking us."

"Sometimes I feel that way."

"It's like its been there for an eternity." (Ok, it's out there. Will she pick it up?)

_(A what? Oh, my, god. He said 'an eternity'. Ok, I remember how this goes. [Do I ever!])_ "Is that how long we're going to wait, Harm?"

_(She picked it up. Ok, Navy. Let's go.)_ "No. It's how long I want...with you."

Mac's jaw drops. _(Oh, my, god. He did it, he let go. He. Let. Go.)_ "Are you sure? I mean, every other time we've tried to have this conversation, something bad has happened."

_(Am I sure? Yeah, I'm tired of holding back.)_ "Yes, I'm sure. It's past time we did this. But, this is probably not the best time, you should sleep."

"Oh, no you don't, Rabb. You're not wiggling out of this now. I'm perfectly capable of talking right now."

"I'm not trying to get out of it, I swear. I promise you, as soon as you're out of the hospital, we'll talk."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I haven't yet."_(And I don't intend to...at least when it comes to you.)_

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tbc


	10. Author's Note

A/N: God, I don't even know where to start. I swear, it seems like everytime I try to get any of these freaking stories finished, the world conspires to stop me. What's that saying? 'When we make plans, God laughs.' Well, he's been laughing at me for about the last five years. I have decided that come hell or high water I'm gonna finish this story, then the others as well. I've even come up with a system. I'm gonna let you guys give me suggestions on each chapter starting with what will be chapter 10. So, if you have suggestions, post them. 


	11. Homeward Bound

From chapter 9...

(A what? Oh, my, god. He said 'an eternity'. Ok, I remember how this goes. Do I ever!) "Is that how long we're going to wait, Harm?"

(She picked it up. Ok, Navy. Let's go.) "No. It's how long I want...with you."

Mac's jaw drops. (Oh, my, god. He did it, he let go. He. Let. Go.) "Are you sure? I mean, every other time we've tried to have this conversation, something bad has happened."

(Am I sure? Yeah, I'm tired of holding back.) "Yes, I'm sure. It's past time we did this. But, this is probably not the best time, you should sleep."

"Oh, no you don't, Rabb. You're not wiggling out of this now. I'm perfectly capable of talking right now."

"I'm not trying to get out of it, I swear. I promise you, as soon as you're out of the hospital, we'll talk."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I haven't yet."(And I don't intend to...at least when it comes to you.)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One week later...

"Harm! Put me down! I am perfectly capable of walking out of this hospital under my own power!"

"Actually, Col. MacKenzie is right about putting her down, but you need to put her in this wheelchair. Hospital procedure requires she be wheeled out.", nurse Davies stated calmly.

"Is that really neccesary, nurse? I feel fine, I just want to go home, and I hate feeling like an invalid."

"Ma'am, you suffered serious injuries a week ago, you need as much rest as you can get. If you insist on trying to do things your body is not ready for, I can assure you, home will be the last place you go. In fact, you'll find yourself right back in that hospital bed. I will call the doctor and I will have him revoke your discharge. Now, please allow the Commander to put you in the wheelchair."

"Marine, I believe you've just been given a non-negotiable order."

sighs"Fine, put me down, Harm and get me out of here. I want to go home now"  
-  
30 minutes later:

"Harm, where are we going? This isn't the way to my apartment."

"No, it's the way to mine. The doctor said you'd probably need around the clock attention, at least for a while. He suggested a hospice or home care nurse. I didn't think you'd go for either option, but I also knew you wouldn't want to stay in the hospital. So, you're staying with me until you're ready to be on your own again."

"No, way! I want to go home. 'Home' means my apartment and that means now!"

"Mac, you can't be on your own yet. You can't drive, you won't be able to cook, you won't even be able to shower or bathe normally until your arm and ribs heal. Unless you want to be in the hospital, you need someone with you. That's me."

"Fine, you're right, but why can't I be at my apartment for all this? I'd feel much more comfortable in my own home."

"Your couch is not big enough for me to sleep on, mine is, my apertment now has every kind of food I could get my hands on for you, and, do you really want me staying for weeks on end in your apartment?"

"You make valid points, counselor. Your apartment it is." (No way in hell could I handle you in my place for that long.)

-  
At Harm's Apartment:

"So, Mac, you hungry?"

"Absolutely, I am so sick of hospital 'food'. It's the most bland, tasteless, disgusting stuff on earth. It should be considered cruel and unusual punishment to make anyone eat that stuff."

"It's good for you. It's healthy and nutritional."

smirks"So you eat it. I, personally, would much prefer a nice, thick, juicy steak, a baked potato with sour cream, and some kind of chocolate for dessert."

"God, that's about a hundred grams of fat in one serving. I can hear your arteries clogging from here. Can I at least interest you in a salad to try and balance out the rest of it?"

"If it makes you happy, flyboy, go for it."

"Then, maybe, after dinner we can have that discussion we 'tabled' at the hospital?"

(Wow, he brought it up himself, I'm impressed.)"Absolutely, if you're ready, so am I"  
-  
tbc...

(A/N Ok, ok, before the stoning, I'm sory it took four years to update this. As I mentioned in the A/N chapter, God's sense of humor has been in overdrive with my life. I solemnly promise to finish this story by the end of this year. Then I'll focus on finishing the other stories I let wither.) 


	12. Talking

From chapter 10:

"Then, maybe, after dinner we can have that discussion we 'tabled' at the hospital?"

(Wow, he brought it up himself, I'm impressed.)"Absolutely, if you're ready, so am I."

-  
"All done eating, Marine? Or would you like thirds?"

"Hmmm, no, I'm good for now. I believe we have a dicussion to untable."

"Ok, how do you want to do this?"

"How about we take turns. Ask whatever questions we've always wanted to and for whatever reason, didn't."

"Good with me. You can ask first, if you like."

"Why'd you turn me down in Sydney?"

"Wow, right to the point. Ok. I didn't turn you down, Mac. I swear that's not what I was doing. I just needed more time. I mean, everything was just so screwed up at that time. I had just lost my dream of flying, for a second time, you and I weren't getting along particularly well, I felt like the Prodigal Son of JAG. I left for what was supposed to be greener pastures and found a barren desert. If I'd taken you up on your offer, we wouldn't have made it, I know we wouldn't. I'd just have been another in a long list of guys who were bad for you, another bad choice for you to regret."

"So, why didn't you just say that?"

"Ah, ah, marine. My turn, that can be your next question. For my question, since we're on the subject of Sydney, Why? Why did you take his ring? I have to know."

"That's probably the easiest question tonight. I wnated what he was offering. Marriage, home, 2.5 kids, the works. I would have prferred to have all that with you, but, I thought you were rejecting me. How's that song go? If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. I loved Mic, but I wasn't in love with him. That honor belonged to you. My turn. Why didn't you just explain your reasons on the ferry?"

"Ego, arrogance, pride. It was sort of hard to admit that I would have been bad for you after everything I had thought, said and done when you were with other guys. My words and actions previously didn't leave much room to lump myself in with them."

"Harm. I'm going to tell you this once, and once only. You could never be bad for me. Never. You make me better than I ever thought I could be. As long as you're in my life, I know I can face whatever is in my way, nobody has ever had my back the way you do. So, that said, if your ego ever gets in our way again, I will kick your six. So, next question?"

"You said a minute ago that you weren't in love with Mic, you were in love with me. Are you still in love with me?"

"Yes."

"No conditions, just 'yes'?"

"Yes. I could no more stop loving you than I could stop the Sun, planets, or stars. I love you. But, I need to know how you feel about me."

"I don't just love you, I need you, I want you, hell, half the reason I get up and come to work everyday is to see you. If I don't, my day feels incomplete and I feel physical pain. I literally suffer withdrawal if I don't have you near me for any length of time."

"Well, then. I do have one last question...What are you gonna do about it?"

"Is that a question or an offer? 'Cause if it's an offer, I'm going to take you up on it, if it's really a question, I'm going to make you an offer."

"Hmmm, in that case, it's a question. What's the offer?"

(Good, she took the bait.)"The offer is simple, you say yes to my next, shall we call it a plea bargain, and I give you your reward. And, before you ask, yes you will like the reward."

"So, all I have to do is say yes. What's the plea?"

"Ah, ah. You have to say 'Yes' first."

"Harm, I'm a lawyer. I never agree to anything without reading the fine print. What's the plea?"

"Nope. I guess you don't want your reward. Damn, and it's a good one too. You'd really like it."

"Alright, alright. Yes. Are you happy now?"

"Not yet, but I'm getting there. Here's the deal.  
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